Wall

Day 3:

Wall

That moment in the early morning
When my eyes flutter
My head still in a delicious cocoon
Of warm blanket
And
Soft pillow
And I start to
Consciously
Inhale
My first breath of the day.

And then
It gets stuck
Because it hits that wall
In the middle of my chest
And
It
Can't
Go
Any further.
There's no more space to inhale.

And then
I shiver
Slightly
And try to let the breath back out
But I can't do that
Either
Because that wall in my chest
Is sticky
And won't let go
Of that breath.

And then
I'm frozen and suspended
In this no-place where
I can't breathe in
I can't breathe out
And the feelings
All the feelings
Are crawling
All over my insides
And my skin on my outside.

And then
I'm drowning
In my bed
In my body
In my thoughts
A sea of sad
Scared
Empty
Hopeless
Despair.

And then
I'm barely breathing
Trying to turn back around
To escape into a sleepy darkness
That won't let me in
Another sticky wall
I beg it to
Please
Let me
Try to begin again.